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Wir alle kennen das „berühmte“ Wort „hätte“ ich doch....usw.. Ein Wort, das, so unscheinbar es ist, doch oft unser Leben bestimmt. 

„Hätte“ ist unbefriedigend, negativ und bedauerlich. „Habe“ ist in erster Linie positiv, denn es beschreibt ein aktives Ereignis. 


Eliminieren Sie jetzt das Wort „hätte“ durch "habe" oder "ich will" mittels der wertvollen Expertentipps von 14 ausgewählten Speakern. Tipps, die Ihr Leben neu und angenehm gestalten, täglich neu auf und


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Schofield`s sex appeal tips



Olivia Schofield, an award winning speaker, was the top female finalist in the World Championships of Public Speaking.


Addressing subjects such as Risk & Innovation, Gender Equality & Inclusion, Growth Mindset amongst other themes, she has given Keynotes, trainings and coachings in 3 continents and more than 14 countries.


She is the founder of ‘Spectacular Speaking’ a company dedicated to raising the standard of conference speakers worldwide. She counts amongst her clients fortune 500 companies such as: Hoffman La Roche, American Express, Heineken, and Shell. 

Sol De Cuba 15.11.2015

Retelling or reliving

In the speaker business we talk about speakers who retell, they are the ones who are just telling you about something that has happened in the past. Then there are speakers who relive, they are the ones who take you back to an event that happened in the past as if you the audience were actually present.

This week I went to see a show in Berlin called Sol De Cuba. It was a Dance show showcasing all the different styles of Cuban dancing. Unfortunately the dancers looked like they were tired and bored, as if they were just going through the motions. I as an audience member felt nothing. They failed to take me to Cuba.

What has this got to do with seduction? Conversation is so much more exciting when the person talking to us and telling us about his life, his day or his feelings can bring us into their action so that we can imagine it and feel it with them.

Think of creating visuals in the mind of the listener. Keep conversation exciting, emotionally stimulating and visual and you'll be laughing all the way to the bedroom.

Man's Search for Intimacy 25.10.2015

It's all about sex, but where's the intimacy.

I have intimacy with my friends. I have intimacy with my family, but what about intimacy with a lover? It's amazing how people go out of their way to avoid this intimacy. Why?

These days it all seems to be about sex. In the online dating world you have choices. The choices are something like this;
I am looking for...
A relationship;
Nothing serious;
A casual encounter;

'A relationship' I interpret as being two people committing to each other usually exclusively.

'Nothing serious' I interpret as a relationship with no strings attached, not necessarily exclusive. It could be a friend with benefits. It means "I want to keep my options open".

'A casual encounter' I imagine being someone you see occasionally, mainly for sex when you're in town.

And the last one;

'Sex' is normally a one night stand or a regular sex partner where it's clear no intimacy is needed. Often these are people in a relationship looking for a bit of adventure.

Most people I speak to say their online dating has fallen into the last category, it's a business transaction between two people to meet their needs. Nothing wrong with that. However, when I look around me I see a lack of intimacy and lots of people wishing and wanting it.

They are wanting one thing but getting something else. They are choosing men/women that could not possibly be relationship material, either because of their marital status or their age.
Now that’s interesting isn’t it. Why? Perhaps with intimacy rejection feels very personal and goes very deep, but with sex it feels less so.
However, does the encounter make you feel valued?

Most people want to be loved completely or desired completely. A pure sex transaction rarely fulfills either. The question to ask yourself is, is what I want and what I need two different things? If yes, concentrating on what you are really seeking, risk being hurt and you may find you the fulfillment you desire.

The chat up line. 04.10.2015

What's the secret of a great chat up line?

As an Ex BBC interviewer, asking open questions is crucial to getting your experts to open up. If they can answer yes or no, they will do and it stops the conversation in its tracks. If you want to open a conversation with someone, use open questions; questions where they can't answer yes or no; questions that require a longer answer. For example; "Did you have a good weekend?" Yes/No. instead "What did you do this weekend?".
"Have you read a good book lately?" Yes/No. instead, "What sort of books do you like to read?" You can also follow up with some Why questions and then stop speaking and listen.

Inspired by the post: What Is The Difference Between Selling And Flirting? by Florian Mueck

Don't judge a book by it's cover. 13.09.2015

First impressions count. But are we reading them correctly?

Anyone that has to appear immaculate, anyone that wears lots of make up, anyone that spends ridiculous amounts of time on their appearance is covering something up, insecurity, lack of interesting character, low self esteem....

It is the women that look plain, that are often comfortable enough with who they are, who allow themselves to be themselves. I'm on my way there, The more happy I am with who I am on the inside, the less flashy I have to be on the outside.

Of course dressing up is always fun, but being natural is also a very attractive trait.

Internet Dating Chemistry 23.08.2015

Does it really live up to expectations?

I've been dabbling in internet dating recently and wanted to share my thoughts with you.

When you meet someone online, they have no preconceived ideas about you. This can be a positive in as much as you have no history, but it can also be a negative.

I find the best bit about Internet dating is the flirt chat, it can be really creative, stimulating and provocative. However so far on my internet dating journey, no encounter has lived up to it.

When you get to finally meet, often it's ... disappointing. Why?


Chemistry is that unquantifiable ingredient that cant be ascertained from a photo or from a chat. It can only be experienced in person when you come together.

Internet dating like any computer related activity, it can be fun, but it eats your time, and doesn't beat getting out and meeting people in the natural way.

The Body Beautiful 02.08.2015

Sex Appeal. The body matters, but how much?

We are constantly bombarded in the media with images of fit toned bodies. I work on my body a few times a week, still I have the impression that it's way too little. No matter how much I improve it, it never seems to be good enough. It's okay to keep fit if it keeps you mobile, makes you stronger, helps you feel good and agile, keeps you healthy, but once it starts to get into serious aesthetics and body image, I'm not sure how healthy it is. Society puts so much importance on the role a fit body plays when it comes to desire. It certainly isn't an attractive trait to be with someone that is body obsessed. The brain is also a muscle, imagine what we could do with it if we spent as much time training and straining our brains as we do our bodies. A stimulating mind is a serious aphrodisiac. If we put as much effort into keeping our minds fit as we do our bodies, seduction will be way more interesting. Now how sexy is that?

Desire 12.07.2015

Why do we try to extinguish the flame of desire instead of feeding it's flame?

Desire is an amazing feeling, it's so exciting, we quiver with excitement. If we meet someone that raises our temperature, that we feel physical desire for, we can't help ourselves, we reach out to touch them. We want to lean towards them, to press our lips to theirs.

Why don't we stop there and allow this blissful state of desire to continue?

When we experience this desire, when we find someone so attractive that it's over flowing from us, often we feel the need to satiate it. We end up falling into bed, often all too quickly. This has the effect of lessening desire, which though not as exciting, is certainly a much more comfortable state.

Why do we find desire so unbearable? It's like having a hunger. However, isn't it true that the longer we hunger for something, the more we enjoy it when we get it?

Whether it's desiring that Porsche, a Hermes handbag or making love with a special person. The longer we allow the flame of desire to burn, the more exciting and appreciating we are when we do finally have that thing we have so desired.

So next time you feel deep desire to take your new lover to bed, applying some self control will mean that when you eventually do, it could very well be one of the most exciting and explosive love making experiences of your life.

It’s normal to be abnormal. 24.05.2015

Have you heard of a Ted Talk? Whether you have or not, that's normal.

I was sitting in a café with a friend the other day working on this TEDx Talk. It was an animated conversation and as we wrestled with the ideas, the guys on the table beside us, curious, asked us what we were working on.
“A Tedx Talk”
“What’s that?”
“Well…. Ted talks are talks given by pioneering speakers on ideas worth spreading.”
Normally…. They have one big idea, a powerful opening, a story, a bit of scientific research to back up the idea and they sow a seed or ignite a spark to encourage people to change their thinking. “

This is a normal type of a TED Talk. However I was sitting there writing a TED Talk on how stifling ‘normal can be.
I mean what is normal?
Are you normal?
No, None of us are.
We are all uniquely different.
There is no ‘normal’.
In fact, it’s normal to be abnormal.
Let's remember that. Everyone is different, THERE IS NO NORM. Getting it into our heads, isn’t enough, we need to get it into our bodies, our blood, our being,

Look yourself in the mirror in the morning and smile, breath in, say “I’m not normal,
I’m bigger than some and thinner than others, I’m taller than some and shorter than others, I’m cleverer than some and less smart than others, I’m more sensitive than some and less sensitive than others. It is my un-normalness that is my biggest asset.

Sex Workers 10.05.2015

Sex Workers takes all sorts.

I was recently at a book lunch of a book about 33 different female sex workers working in and around Berlin. It made me view the 'sex industry' rather differently. Often we judge anyone working in the sex industry as people forced to it by their circumstances. This book shares the stories of many women who have not been pushed to it, but have chosen it. From Masseuse with a 'happy end' to clinical sex workers, this book is full of fascinating stories. Sexworker is in the German language, it offers 33 portraits and interviews with those that work in the sex industry. I urge you to read it, it may change any preconceived ideas you have. This is true for other professions we do not have first hand experience of. Let's hold our judgement and open our minds.

Condoms & Co 12.04.2015

Naughty toys for lots of fun

In my last post I talked about Erika Lust's naughty toys. Whilst walking the streets of Barcelona I came across a shop that looked like one of those pick and mix candy shops. Instead of sweets they had lots of exciting looking sex toys, Condoms & Co. One of which would be my pick for a naughty present for the girlfriend or wife.

HULA BEADS by Lelo is a vibrating and rotating insert with a remote control. Just imagine, you are at a party with your partner and he is talking to a group of people seemingly deeply engaged and you are in the kitchen getting a glass of wine. Suddenly the toy starts to vibrate and rotate. You know your partner is thinking of you because he has the remote control. That feeling of being pleasured by your partner whilst he speaks to another woman would really stroke my ego and provide foreplay for what inevitably will come later.


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